Missing...

One year has passed since I moved out alone.

Yeah, I begin seeing the alcoholic, addict that I thought wanted to change.  I thought he just needed someone to be there for him for once. Truly there for him.  Not like my ex 'was' for me.

Well, I am alone.  Nobody here but me.  Listening to the ticking clock pass the time. The lights on the tree dance and the sound of my own sighs.

***Warning: Pity Party ahead... ****
I miss Aaron.  How can you miss someone that comes and goes with the wind?  Someone that has dug himself into such a pit that he can't even acquire a bank account.   Unable to keep a drivers license and manipulation and lies are so common that he doesn't know when he is doing it.

Because.... he was present. When he was with you he wasn't distracted by others.  He was truly focused on you.  Not himself.  He could be so helpful around the house.  People loved him. People always wanted to help him out.  He has so many friend requests on FB that he ignored I was in AWE.  Maybe he ignored them because the guilt of possibly playing them in the past for money...  He was picky about      who he hangs around.  He had a sober friend and a drunk friend.  Right now he is with his drunk friend.

I miss sitting with him watching a movie on my couch.  He loved to get me Starbucks.  He always would repeat my order with a smile.  I loved his giant rough hands and beautiful body.  Ugh.  He used to worry about if he was getting too fat.  I though was hilarious. I choose to ignore his bulimia, until his teeth were starting to show signs of it.  He won't be able to keep it up...

He loved to fill the ice cube trays.  That was his pet peeve.  They always were filled as long as he was around.  And hardly had dishes in the sink with him.  He had to rinse them and put them in the dishwasher.

I am trying to enjoy my last few weeks of free time before school kicks in.  I won't have much time to myself then.  Probably a good thing, especially since I miss him so much.
I want to hear his voice.  Even to be there for me as a friend right now...  but I know I can't.
....